calledmegentle: (once a queen)
[personal profile] calledmegentle
She doesn't let them have time alone together, usually. Always makes sure there's some sort of crowd nearby-- her family or the Friends or the people attending the party she's dragged him off to.

Because if she's with him, then the memories she tries to keep buried fight all the more harder to remember, and when she's alone with him, things get even worse.

But she can't stop it. There are simply moments when they can't help but end up alone together-- like this one here, with the two of them almost touching hands as he walks her home. The moonlight makes the park they're cutting through look almost like another world, and she can't be angry, at this moment. Can't not let the love she still feels-- towards the man at her side, towards the land they've both left behind, even towards the Lion that brought them here-- bubble forth.

Her hand lifts to touch his elbow softly,"Caspian. Can we stop a moment?"

Date: 2014-02-02 02:25 pm (UTC)
adexuate: (attending)
From: [personal profile] adexuate
Parks have always felt just a bit easier to breathe in. Yes, he loved desperately the few times they'd taken him to the shore, to see the sea of the world he had come to live in with them. But it was parks he'd come to feel the most settled in, no matter who was with him.

And usually it was a cluster of people. Usually there was a handful of Friends or a pack of people he still didn't really know but watched with fascination as they fluttered around Susan. It was always just a bit better when, somehow, he could walk quietly past trees with Peter's voice in his ears, or Edmund's arm around his shoulders, or Lucy's hand tight in his.

Or Susan's simple, overwhelming presence beside him, although that came most rarely of all.

And it never lasts long. It's almost startling that she touches his arm; that she asks to stop. "--is-- everything all right?"

Date: 2014-02-02 03:03 pm (UTC)
adexuate: (arisen)
From: [personal profile] adexuate
There are so few things he'd ever deny her. This--a moment alone, a moment breathing together in air the smelled like grass and trees and only distantly of metal.

It takes a moment before he settles into the thought, shifts to get her arm properly through his.

"Of... of course, Susan."

Date: 2014-02-02 03:36 pm (UTC)
adexuate: (ascertaining)
From: [personal profile] adexuate
He had walked with her the night before his coronation. He had held her arm in his just like this, and felt the deepest comfort simply from the weight of her fingers over his. It's amazing, how much he feels it again now, even though her breath is catching softly around words he doesn't know if he wants to hear.

But then she does speak. His heart stops just for a moment. Because knowing it wasn't the same as hearing her say it, the way she had almost--almost--done when he first arrived.

" do."

Date: 2014-02-03 12:22 am (UTC)
adexuate: (anticipating)
From: [personal profile] adexuate
There's a bench to direct them toward. There's a compulsive need to keep her arm tight and safe in his.

"I only-- wish it was not such a painful thing, Susan."

That Narnia could give her comfort. Strength.

Date: 2014-02-03 01:50 am (UTC)
adexuate: (admitting)
From: [personal profile] adexuate
It feels like a good sign that she's the one who brought it up. It feels like a good sign that she's still holding his arm; that she's talking about it at all.

"But you... you left something beautiful." And he knows, somehow, it isn't enough. That her anger is a more complicated beast than all that. "You saved Narnia. And... and Narnia grew. Took its own legs."

Wasn't it like a mother letting a child run on its own?

Date: 2014-02-03 03:44 am (UTC)
adexuate: (attending)
From: [personal profile] adexuate
He doesn't have answers for her. He doesn't know why the Lion had decided to keep two of His best warriors so far from their true home. He doesn't know why He would have given Peter and Susan this terrible mandate without also giving them the serenity to not be this wracked with pain over it.

He hopes, desperately, that actually speaking about it helps. That maybe some piece of her finding her centre will come with the comparative safety of having him to speak with rather than only her siblings.

"It's... difficult to see His will, I suppose."

Date: 2014-02-03 03:58 am (UTC)
adexuate: (armoured)
From: [personal profile] adexuate
The flinch can't be helped. Even in this world, where it was so much harder to hear the fall of padded feet and the rustle of a mane in the wind, the blasphemous malediction stung deep. The fact she was so lost to this hurt perhaps stung even worse.

His hand can't let go of hers. His hope can't let him turn away.

"Your time there was only grief?"

Date: 2014-02-03 04:16 am (UTC)
adexuate: (admitting)
From: [personal profile] adexuate
Exhaling comes slowly. It takes a moment to recover, to pull himself back up from the roughness of the moment previous.

"For now." His other hand finds the one of hers he's already holding. His entire being folds slightly in the need to press her fingers briefly to his forehead. "But I-- cannot believe that those who love you would want you only to remember them with anger and hurt."

Date: 2014-02-03 04:41 am (UTC)
adexuate: (attending)
From: [personal profile] adexuate
He's not certain what it is, but something in her words sets his heart calm again. There's something like acceptance in them. Something like understanding.

It doesn't matter, perhaps, if he understands or not. It only matters that she's not holding herself so tightly.

"I'm sorry if it isn't enough."

Date: 2014-02-03 04:55 am (UTC)
adexuate: (arisen)
From: [personal profile] adexuate
It's only a someday. It's only a perhaps. It still lightens his heart immeasurably, somehow, to know she's let even the spark of possibility into her heart.

He can't quite smile. He can only duck his head again, hands squeezing hers tight, and brush an entirely careful kiss against her knuckles.

"Then we'll wait."

He would wait. He suspected her siblings, for all their hurt and quiet, had already been waiting. He knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that those left behind in Narnia would wait.

Date: 2014-02-03 05:16 am (UTC)
adexuate: (attempting)
From: [personal profile] adexuate
The piece of him which can't help but be a young man in love would wait a thousand lifetimes to feel again her fingers brush against his cheek, just like that. The heart of him which can't help but be a king, no matter how far off from his kingdom, would hope until every world had been lost for the happiness of this lost queen.

"It is nothing but my fondest pleasure, Susan."

Date: 2014-02-03 05:35 am (UTC)
adexuate: (arisen)
From: [personal profile] adexuate
"You can't imagine the comfort and joy hope gives me, then."

Because even when he didn't understand--even when she was laughing with that sharp twist on the laugh he loved so dearly, thousands of miles away in her eyes and scores of bodies between them--she gave him hope. She always had.

Date: 2014-02-03 03:33 pm (UTC)
adexuate: (attending)
From: [personal profile] adexuate
His smile is entirely faint; the squeeze of her fingers in response is light. It's got to be a careful thing, still, no matter how much they've now stumbled forward.

"You may yet, Susan."

Date: 2014-02-03 04:30 pm (UTC)
adexuate: (attempting)
From: [personal profile] adexuate
It's enough. It's got to be enough for now.

So he'll simply lean back and let it breathe between them for a bit. Lift his gaze to the sky and enjoy the dim stars he can see.

"Let... me know when you want to go home."

Date: 2014-02-03 05:02 pm (UTC)
adexuate: (adequate)
From: [personal profile] adexuate
" is."

Mostly because it was more like Narnia, true. Partly because it was more time with her.

Certainly because there was little that trees and stars didn't make better.


calledmegentle: (Default)
Susan Pevensie [Slight AU]

October 2014

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