(no subject)

[calledmegentle]

 When Aslan had called her and Peter aside to speak with Him after lunch one morning, Susan had felt her heart drop to her stomach in dread. She knew-- or suspected, really-- what the Lion was going to say, and she didn't want to hear it. Wanted to flee from him as though not hearing the words would make them any less true.

But she and Peter had agreed to the meeting nonetheless-- easily and calmly, in Peter's case; hesitatingly in hers. She'd avoided meeting Caspian's gaze the rest of the time up to the meeting, afraid of what her eyes may say. Afraid of what his might.

She couldn't help but ask as soon as she and Peter and Aslan were alone if this was the end. If He was sending them back for good, this time. The Lion had looked at her with a knowing expression as Peter's breath had caught beside her-- Her elder brother clearly had not thought of that possibility, or at least had not let himself think it.

When Aslan said yes, she thought she was going to break in half. When He clarified that it was Peter's last time, she couldn't breathe for the shock of it. Peter had asked why, and the Lion had informed her brother that he had learned all he could, but that she had an opportunity here she would not be able to have in their home. 

More was said, then, both to Peter and herself, and she absorbed it as well as she could. Her heart ached for her brother, and she'd embraced him when the conversation ended before letting him go be on his own for a time to process the news and figure out how to break it to their siblings.

She was sorrowful for the fact that she would lose him, and likely not see her other two siblings again for some time, if at all, and the tears that filled her eyes at the thought of it made her a little blinded as she made her way to think on her own.

But at the same time, the tears in her eyes were also ones of relief. She was going to be allowed to stay, to be home.

To love as she had been trying to hold herself back from.

Comments

[adexuate]

It feels selfish to take such immense relief in the knowledge. It feels unkind to be pleased that they, at least, can have this happiness of being together.

It takes a moment for his breath to come back to him--for his arms to fumble into clutching her tighter again. Words simply fail him.

[calledmegentle]

Being held by him makes it worlds easier to breathe, for all that she is still aching over the impending departure from her loved ones. Being held by him reminds her that there are loved ones here that she will not be parted from. It's not a fair trade; not even a trade, necessarily. But it helps to soften the blow.

Her words are soft against his ear, slipping out between shaky hitches of breath, "I love you, Caspian."

[adexuate]

She's real. She's still here. He's not going to have to stop clinging to this critical piece of happiness. His exhale is somewhere between a laugh and a sob as he moves to press a firm kiss to her cheek.

"I-- I love you, Susan."

And would be allowed to forever now.

[calledmegentle]

They have all the time in this world. Perhaps even the next. It's such an overwhelming relief when she thought they would have barely any time together.

"Thank-- Thank you."

[adexuate]

"There's nothing to thank me for," he murmurs softly as he bends down more fully, pulls himself more properly into holding her. "I've done-- nothing but follow the most natural impulse in the world."

How could he not love her? How could anyone not? Had not the world been full of suitors for her hand thousands of years ago?

"Thank you."

[calledmegentle]

"Don't thank me, either," she murmurs, correcting the both of them towards gratefulness for the One truly to thank, "Thank Aslan. For letting you call us here and-- for letting me stay."

[adexuate]

"Every-- every day." How can he not? How can they not? What morning will they not wake up with a prayer of thanksgiving and joy on their lips, and what night will they not fall into rest with affirmations of the deepest gratitude? "For the rest of our lives."

[calledmegentle]

"For the rest of our lives."

There's a soft sort of happiness in her voice as she echoes him, because the use of the word 'our' is a welcome one.

"Through the good times and the bad ones."

And maybe it's too soon to be promising their lives to one another, but they've also fought side by side. Delivered their nation to freedom side by side. Had their love blessed by Aslan himself. Surely that was something worth promising?

[adexuate]

If it's not too soon to fall in love, it's surely not too soon to intend that love to last as long as they're allowed it. Had Aslan given them one day or the rest of their lives, the devotion would have been the same, after all.

"You will be-- loved and honoured all the days of my life, Susan."

And that's a promise he's more than willing to make without a second thought.

[calledmegentle]

"As you will be for all of mine."

And how startling it is, after all these years of either not being old enough to or never finding quite the right person, to find the one she was willing to make that promise to a thousand years after she thought she would.

[adexuate]

There's hesitance in leaning down, pressing an almost nervous kiss to her cheek. There's nerves so much more potent for the jangling of almost having lost her.

There's a lifetime ahead of them to learn how to love one another properly.